There are a few things that only Washingtonians have the pleasure of dealing with.
While much of this is covered in "Shit DC People Say," there are still a few realms that even such a comedic masterpiece neglect.
We deal with streets that were designed to confuse people, tourists that aimlessly walk into the middle of the street just so they can get far enough away to fit the Washington Monument in the photo, corrupt city council members, Metro buses that act more like M1-A1 tanks than public transit and a Chinatown that lacks, of all things, Chinese places.
Beyond the headaches that these aforementioned and other daily nuisances cause, there is one distinctly DC regular happening that just doesn't occur elsewhere. Motorcades.
It's fitting that the run on the State of the Union night includes motorcades. But they don't just magically appear on major speech nights. It seems that everyone and their mother needs at least two black unmarked Suburbans, a Metro DC cop car and a posse of burly men and ear pieces.
I don't know what goes into deciding which important official gets the black Lincoln and which deputy gets thrown into the Airport-like shuttle van, but I wonder if there is a competition for who's motorcade is longer. I can only imagine the thoughts that go through these distinguished officials minds when they walk outside and see their fleet of cars.
Unbeknownst to the general public, there is probably some underground running pool. I imagine the points system would run as follows: one point per black unmarked SUV, double points for snipers hanging out the back, triple points for a bus and finally 10x bonus powerup for the helicopter trail, with the searchlight running.
All I hope is that there isn't a reward for taking out runners. But if there were, that would be quite the Sights in My Nikes.
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